In My Wet Socks
As I put my shoeless, wet feet up on the well-used footrest in my living room, I briefly reflected on my economical nature. A few weeks earlier while in Silver Spring I had the opportunity to buy some rugged boots in Costco. Realizing that in my own Yerushalayim golashes almost always suffice, I opted not to spend the twenty-five dollars. If I had bought those boots I wouldn’t have been in my wet socks now. But that was fine as this was the effect of the decision I prudently and happily made.
I then began thinking about times when I am not so thrifty and about the danger of the labels, both good and bad, that we and others award ourselves.
We all see ourselves and others in defined ways. Undoubtedly, much of this defining is necessary for us to live our lives and do our jobs. In fact, the Chovos Halevavos advises that when choosing a livelihood one follow the path to which his natural kochos and netios lead him. This is obviously impossible if one doesn’t know what those things are. We certainly need to know our maalos as they are the tools with which we can be metaken ourselves and others. And we certainly need to know our lackings[1]. But our evaluations have to be done properly.
For example, when I globally label myself as “economical” I will not be on the lookout for times and ways that I am not. Possibly more seriously, I won't be tolerant of others who I perceive as less thrifty than me. Perhaps most seriously, I am, to be brutal, living a lie. Seeing ourselves inaccurately is nothing less than an untruth. The question of how thrifty one is may be one we don’t take seriously today[2], but the same tendency of inaccuracy is very detrimental when it comes to other areas. There are murderers who because they are dedicated to their mothers perceive themselves as “good people” and we all know hypocrites who think of themselves as truly honest and upright. How often do we meet bosses who don’t realize that, as capable as they are, some of their team members are greater performers? If all of the above would be more careful in their self-evaluations their whole lives could be different.
Perhaps the “golden path” in this key issue of labeling the correct way consists of two elements. One; as the Mishna advises, הוי מתונים בדין – loosely translated as “be careful and considerate in judgment”. Before deciding you are one way or the other take it slow. Consider and consider again. Check your proofs and ask others for their perception of you (you are in for some surprises!).
Two; avoid cart-blanche evaluations and embrace nuances. Five thousand seven hundred and seventy six years ago Adam ate from the Eitz HaDaas. Since that epic moment actions have been multi-faceted. It is very difficult to perform a purely good action, or for that matter, a purely negative one[3]. All the more so, it is near impossible to have one’s middos perfectly aligned[4]. If so, the truth about almost all of us almost all the time is that we will be limited in our ability to “get it right”. Accordingly, our evaluations need to be nuanced. Try “I am generally kind but in x and y situation my tough side comes out” as opposed to “I am a kind person”. Opt for “In these situations I perform well” as opposed to “I am a peak
[1] Based on a statement of Rav Yeruchem of Mir quoted by Rav Wolbe.
[2] This, I believe, is a significant lack in our generation ואכמ"ל.
[3] See long hagaa in .נפש החיים שער א' פרק ו
[4] As in just the right amount of Din and just the right amount of Chesed.
(Please send comments and questions to rdsvaad@gmail.com)
"if you would lilke to recieve these Avodah thougths every 2 weeks sign up at
http://rdsvaadim.com/subscribe/
As I put my shoeless, wet feet up on the well-used footrest in my living room, I briefly reflected on my economical nature. A few weeks earlier while in Silver Spring I had the opportunity to buy some rugged boots in Costco. Realizing that in my own Yerushalayim golashes almost always suffice, I opted not to spend the twenty-five dollars. If I had bought those boots I wouldn’t have been in my wet socks now. But that was fine as this was the effect of the decision I prudently and happily made.
I then began thinking about times when I am not so thrifty and about the danger of the labels, both good and bad, that we and others award ourselves.
We all see ourselves and others in defined ways. Undoubtedly, much of this defining is necessary for us to live our lives and do our jobs. In fact, the Chovos Halevavos advises that when choosing a livelihood one follow the path to which his natural kochos and netios lead him. This is obviously impossible if one doesn’t know what those things are. We certainly need to know our maalos as they are the tools with which we can be metaken ourselves and others. And we certainly need to know our lackings[1]. But our evaluations have to be done properly.
For example, when I globally label myself as “economical” I will not be on the lookout for times and ways that I am not. Possibly more seriously, I won't be tolerant of others who I perceive as less thrifty than me. Perhaps most seriously, I am, to be brutal, living a lie. Seeing ourselves inaccurately is nothing less than an untruth. The question of how thrifty one is may be one we don’t take seriously today[2], but the same tendency of inaccuracy is very detrimental when it comes to other areas. There are murderers who because they are dedicated to their mothers perceive themselves as “good people” and we all know hypocrites who think of themselves as truly honest and upright. How often do we meet bosses who don’t realize that, as capable as they are, some of their team members are greater performers? If all of the above would be more careful in their self-evaluations their whole lives could be different.
Perhaps the “golden path” in this key issue of labeling the correct way consists of two elements. One; as the Mishna advises, הוי מתונים בדין – loosely translated as “be careful and considerate in judgment”. Before deciding you are one way or the other take it slow. Consider and consider again. Check your proofs and ask others for their perception of you (you are in for some surprises!).
Two; avoid cart-blanche evaluations and embrace nuances. Five thousand seven hundred and seventy six years ago Adam ate from the Eitz HaDaas. Since that epic moment actions have been multi-faceted. It is very difficult to perform a purely good action, or for that matter, a purely negative one[3]. All the more so, it is near impossible to have one’s middos perfectly aligned[4]. If so, the truth about almost all of us almost all the time is that we will be limited in our ability to “get it right”. Accordingly, our evaluations need to be nuanced. Try “I am generally kind but in x and y situation my tough side comes out” as opposed to “I am a kind person”. Opt for “In these situations I perform well” as opposed to “I am a peak
[1] Based on a statement of Rav Yeruchem of Mir quoted by Rav Wolbe.
[2] This, I believe, is a significant lack in our generation ואכמ"ל.
[3] See long hagaa in .נפש החיים שער א' פרק ו
[4] As in just the right amount of Din and just the right amount of Chesed.
(Please send comments and questions to rdsvaad@gmail.com)
"if you would lilke to recieve these Avodah thougths every 2 weeks sign up at
http://rdsvaadim.com/subscribe/