Machlokes
I recently ran into the son of the Rebbe of a very well known Chassidus. He was surrounded by a small group of Chassidim. Introductions were made and we spoke for a moment. I knew his famous last name. I told him I had read a book about his forbearers. He is a pleasant person and I immediately had a good feeling about him.
However, our brief conversation was extremely distressing. Why? He certainly wasn’t “off the derech” or anything of the sort. He actually looked quite esteemed- a true scion of a chashuva chassidus.
As we spoke, I carefully refrained from asking whether his father (the Rebbe) was the son of the previous Rebbe. I refrained because, knowing how things go these days, I was worried that maybe his Chassidus had had a “split”.[1] I was concerned not to mention someone on “the other side.” These are the things that one has to watch out for today. Be careful, when speaking to someone, not to mention his uncle. That’s what was so sad.
Machlokes. When we think about all the in-fighting in the Jewish world today we are outraged, angered, perplexed,….saddened….depressed…. מיואש. What’s going on? More importantly, what can we do?
First off, what shouldn’t we do? Get involved. Often, one close to a machlokes thinks he can save the day. Disavow yourself of that thinking. Things are a lot more complex than meet the eye. In 99.9% of cases you have nothing to give and a lot to lose. So, stay away.[2]
But what can we do? There is, in fact, something significant and meaningful. Fix the machlokes in…us. One of the greatest teachings of the Baalei Mussar is “in the little things are the big things”. The Alter of Kelm claimed that if hearing that someone was struck by lightning doesn’t move you, know that you could kill that same person. He also held that it was yichud for him to be alone with the yeshiva’s money.
What? Yichud?
Yes, he looked deeply into what moves men and saw that the same forces are at work as in a real yichud situation. The difference between the scenarios is only in the details.[3] The smell is the same. This is a very basic point in mussar thinking.[4]
Applying this to our situation means that the small machlokot between us are really the same (on some level) as the big ones we cry about. Next point; all of Klal Yisrael is connected. This is the shoresh of the very real Torah concept of arvus. Rav Yisrael famously said that when the פרוש in Aisheshock learns well; the Jew in Warsaw closes his store an hour before Shabbos and the student in Paris eats in a kosher restaurant.[5]
Putting these two ideas together; if we can get rid of the machlokes in us we can start to weaken its terrible power in the world.
Let’s look at some of the elements of a full-blown machlokes and apply them to our situation.
One element found in machlokes is a vilifying of the other side. All the good is with us, all the bad with them. Where do we find this in ourselves? When we are in a small dispute and think we acted totally correctly and the other side acted totally incorrectly we may be doing the same thing. So too, when we completely disregard someone else’s opinion. These are small level “vilifications”. Instead, let us see that things aren’t as simple as we are making them. In truth, our “opponent” may have validity both in his acting and his thinking.
Another element of machlokes is an unwillingness to take steps towards peace. Both sides become so deeply entrenched in their position that it becomes impossible to bridge the gap between them. When we are a bit upset at our friends or spouses and “pull away” even a little bit it has the same smell. When we push through that imaginary thin wall and reach out to another we are avoiding machlokes.
Sides in a machlokes are highly unfriendly to each other. When we are friendly to those we disagree with we go against the machlokes “tide”. Furthermore, an increasing of friendliness all around is a powerful antidote to machlokes. By “all around” I mean to be as friendly to as many Jews as possible. Not just those you are in a disagreement with or those in your natural circle. Smile at someone you don’t know. The worst thing that can happen is he won’t smile back. Spread good feelings. Think of all the negative feelings בעלי מחלוקת have. The more positive feelings we have and engender in others the more we are m’taken machlokes.
Baalei machlokes draw a circle and put themselves and their people in that circle. You are in or out. Fight that by widening your circle. Speak to some Chassidim. If you only deal with Sefardim make friends with an Ashkenazi. Chap a shmuze with a secular person.
Finally, we should remember the words of Hakadosh Rav Doniel Movshevitz[6] who said a machlokes is לשם שמים only for the first 5 minutes! Rav Yisrael once taught a talmid a simple idea that guided him in business for over 50 years- אם הצדק אתך תראה שתשאר צודק (if you are in the right see to it to remain in that position)[7]. At a certain point it doesn’t matter who started a particular fight as both sides have taken so many incorrect and unjustifiable steps against each other. Applying such to our world would mean realizing that being wronged doesn’t allow us to commit any aveirah against another. If we want to decrease machlokes in ourselves and the world we have to be especially careful after being wronged. It is a time to guard ourselves from לשון הרע, מוציא שם רע, אונאת דברים ודיון לכף חובה .
The פסוק says ‘בקש שלום ורדפהו’ search for peace and pursue it. The Maharal explains that שלום is naturally far from us and needs to be pursued. By realizing that true peace with others is something we all have to work on we can help cleanse our society from the scourge of מחלוקת .
[1] I later remembered that there was, in fact, a split in that Chassidus.
[2] See שיחות מוסר:גנות המחלוקת for a full treatise of how terrible involvement in machlokes is.
[3] Another example of this is the רמב"ם’s comparing looking at the small finger of a woman with something far more chamur. The well known idea that being מלבין פני חברו is tantamount to murder is another example. [One of the baalei mussar was once tremendously moved after davening. He explained that he had seen someone killed. He actually had seen someone embarrassed publicly] See also the amazing words of לקט שיחות מוסר of רב י.א. שר on the end of פרשת יתרו
[4] This understanding opens one to many statements and maasim of the baalei mussar.
[5] ס' קדוש ישראל (תיא)
[6] He was the head of Kelm and one of the great lights of Lithuanian Jewry before the war. See מכתב מאליהו on how he led the Kelm community הי"ד to their deaths at the hands of the Nazis יש"ו [I believe it was he who said the above idea but I am not 100% sure]
[7] ס' קדוש ישראל (קצג)
(please send comments and questions to [email protected])
If you would like to receive these Avodah thougths every 2 weeks sign up at
http://rdsvaadim.com/subscribe/
I recently ran into the son of the Rebbe of a very well known Chassidus. He was surrounded by a small group of Chassidim. Introductions were made and we spoke for a moment. I knew his famous last name. I told him I had read a book about his forbearers. He is a pleasant person and I immediately had a good feeling about him.
However, our brief conversation was extremely distressing. Why? He certainly wasn’t “off the derech” or anything of the sort. He actually looked quite esteemed- a true scion of a chashuva chassidus.
As we spoke, I carefully refrained from asking whether his father (the Rebbe) was the son of the previous Rebbe. I refrained because, knowing how things go these days, I was worried that maybe his Chassidus had had a “split”.[1] I was concerned not to mention someone on “the other side.” These are the things that one has to watch out for today. Be careful, when speaking to someone, not to mention his uncle. That’s what was so sad.
Machlokes. When we think about all the in-fighting in the Jewish world today we are outraged, angered, perplexed,….saddened….depressed…. מיואש. What’s going on? More importantly, what can we do?
First off, what shouldn’t we do? Get involved. Often, one close to a machlokes thinks he can save the day. Disavow yourself of that thinking. Things are a lot more complex than meet the eye. In 99.9% of cases you have nothing to give and a lot to lose. So, stay away.[2]
But what can we do? There is, in fact, something significant and meaningful. Fix the machlokes in…us. One of the greatest teachings of the Baalei Mussar is “in the little things are the big things”. The Alter of Kelm claimed that if hearing that someone was struck by lightning doesn’t move you, know that you could kill that same person. He also held that it was yichud for him to be alone with the yeshiva’s money.
What? Yichud?
Yes, he looked deeply into what moves men and saw that the same forces are at work as in a real yichud situation. The difference between the scenarios is only in the details.[3] The smell is the same. This is a very basic point in mussar thinking.[4]
Applying this to our situation means that the small machlokot between us are really the same (on some level) as the big ones we cry about. Next point; all of Klal Yisrael is connected. This is the shoresh of the very real Torah concept of arvus. Rav Yisrael famously said that when the פרוש in Aisheshock learns well; the Jew in Warsaw closes his store an hour before Shabbos and the student in Paris eats in a kosher restaurant.[5]
Putting these two ideas together; if we can get rid of the machlokes in us we can start to weaken its terrible power in the world.
Let’s look at some of the elements of a full-blown machlokes and apply them to our situation.
One element found in machlokes is a vilifying of the other side. All the good is with us, all the bad with them. Where do we find this in ourselves? When we are in a small dispute and think we acted totally correctly and the other side acted totally incorrectly we may be doing the same thing. So too, when we completely disregard someone else’s opinion. These are small level “vilifications”. Instead, let us see that things aren’t as simple as we are making them. In truth, our “opponent” may have validity both in his acting and his thinking.
Another element of machlokes is an unwillingness to take steps towards peace. Both sides become so deeply entrenched in their position that it becomes impossible to bridge the gap between them. When we are a bit upset at our friends or spouses and “pull away” even a little bit it has the same smell. When we push through that imaginary thin wall and reach out to another we are avoiding machlokes.
Sides in a machlokes are highly unfriendly to each other. When we are friendly to those we disagree with we go against the machlokes “tide”. Furthermore, an increasing of friendliness all around is a powerful antidote to machlokes. By “all around” I mean to be as friendly to as many Jews as possible. Not just those you are in a disagreement with or those in your natural circle. Smile at someone you don’t know. The worst thing that can happen is he won’t smile back. Spread good feelings. Think of all the negative feelings בעלי מחלוקת have. The more positive feelings we have and engender in others the more we are m’taken machlokes.
Baalei machlokes draw a circle and put themselves and their people in that circle. You are in or out. Fight that by widening your circle. Speak to some Chassidim. If you only deal with Sefardim make friends with an Ashkenazi. Chap a shmuze with a secular person.
Finally, we should remember the words of Hakadosh Rav Doniel Movshevitz[6] who said a machlokes is לשם שמים only for the first 5 minutes! Rav Yisrael once taught a talmid a simple idea that guided him in business for over 50 years- אם הצדק אתך תראה שתשאר צודק (if you are in the right see to it to remain in that position)[7]. At a certain point it doesn’t matter who started a particular fight as both sides have taken so many incorrect and unjustifiable steps against each other. Applying such to our world would mean realizing that being wronged doesn’t allow us to commit any aveirah against another. If we want to decrease machlokes in ourselves and the world we have to be especially careful after being wronged. It is a time to guard ourselves from לשון הרע, מוציא שם רע, אונאת דברים ודיון לכף חובה .
The פסוק says ‘בקש שלום ורדפהו’ search for peace and pursue it. The Maharal explains that שלום is naturally far from us and needs to be pursued. By realizing that true peace with others is something we all have to work on we can help cleanse our society from the scourge of מחלוקת .
[1] I later remembered that there was, in fact, a split in that Chassidus.
[2] See שיחות מוסר:גנות המחלוקת for a full treatise of how terrible involvement in machlokes is.
[3] Another example of this is the רמב"ם’s comparing looking at the small finger of a woman with something far more chamur. The well known idea that being מלבין פני חברו is tantamount to murder is another example. [One of the baalei mussar was once tremendously moved after davening. He explained that he had seen someone killed. He actually had seen someone embarrassed publicly] See also the amazing words of לקט שיחות מוסר of רב י.א. שר on the end of פרשת יתרו
[4] This understanding opens one to many statements and maasim of the baalei mussar.
[5] ס' קדוש ישראל (תיא)
[6] He was the head of Kelm and one of the great lights of Lithuanian Jewry before the war. See מכתב מאליהו on how he led the Kelm community הי"ד to their deaths at the hands of the Nazis יש"ו [I believe it was he who said the above idea but I am not 100% sure]
[7] ס' קדוש ישראל (קצג)
(please send comments and questions to [email protected])
If you would like to receive these Avodah thougths every 2 weeks sign up at
http://rdsvaadim.com/subscribe/