Machlokes- Part 2
Part 1 claimed that “if we can get rid of the machlokes in us we can start to weaken its terrible power in the world”. I listed five elements found in a full-blown machlokes and tried to apply them to our lives. They were:
· vilifying the other side
· an unwillingness to take steps towards peace
· being very unfriendly to each other
· putting the other side outside your circle
· even when one side was clearly the victim, as time goes on they also wrong the other side
These are external manifestations of a machlokes. What is taking place in the inner world of the parties? If we can correctly identify those things we can, בע"ה, begin to eradicate them in ourselves.
We will speak about four inner world elements:
*Confusion between being l’sheim shamayim and being l’sheim one’s self occurs.*
Everyone knows the vort on מחלוקת לשם שמים סופו להתקיים. When business partners have a fight everyone knows the score. It is about personal rights and personal rights only. In the yeshiva/Chassidic/non-profit machlokot we see, there are personal rights involved but also l’sheim shamayim considerations. Reuven or Shimon honestly thinks he is best for the job and, of course, one truly is. But how can both sides objectively think so? This is where negios come in. This point becomes hazy to (at least) one of the parties.
This goes on in all of us. The פסוק says מי יאמר זכיתי ליבי "who can say ‘I have purified my heart’”. We bring the aforementioned haziness into our own little battles. “It’s not about me, it’s about what’s right!” says the husband to the wife; “It is about you” answers Truth to the husband.
Dealing with negios is a life work. The initial step is gaining piercing clarity about what in us is a nagia and what is l’sheim shamayim. Beyond that is recognizing that we care a lot more about ourselves than we do about Kavod Shamayim. This being the case, it is highly likely that personal considerations are playing a significant role in our actions.
Here’s a test: What moves you more, being slightly insulted or seeing a חילול ה' ? What bothers you more, to lose 20 dollars or to see another Jew sin?
Perhaps realizing that there is nothing wrong with having negios will open the door to self-awareness. The problem is not that we have biases; it is that we don’t identify them. The graver problem is calling them l’sheim shamayim. The gravest problem is going to war for that l’sheim shamayim.
We can offer two simple, practical improvements.
1) Teach yourself to say “I have a negia.” HaRav Wolbe writes in עלי שור that one who looks will see that not only אהבת פרסום pushed him to write. After being accepted as single דיין in a דין תורה between his son and one of his admirers, theמהרי"ל דיסקן refused the job. He explained that “under the influence” even if it says חייבin שולחן ערוך one will read פטור! If great men can admit they have negios, so can we.
2) Teach yourself not to say “I’m l’sheim shamayim”. People utter these words so freely. Saying you are l’shaim shamayim means all you are acting upon is what will best further Kavod Shamayim. Are you really so sure?
*Severe oversimplifications become the norm.*
Normally, we recognize that issues are complex and things aren’t black and white. There are many shades of gray. My mother always said “it takes two to tango”. Applying this to machlokes means one side would recognize some validity in the other side. Instead, each sees itself as the clear victim and the other as the blatant aggressor and subtleties are thrown down the drain.
Every time we oversimplify a complex issue we are guilty of this. Thinking our Yeshiva, organization, or religious group are the “only” ones is the same thing. Open your heart to see the value in other groups. Usually your group has a thing or two to learn from others. Simpler still, when we only see our side in an argument we are doing the same thing as the baalei machlokes.
*One becomes overly focused on the machlokes and ignores other responsibilities.*
The “Machlokes” becomes so important, there is no time, emotional space or even interest in other pursuits. We all suffer from this when we become over involved with our job or hobby. Does this topic really deserve our sole attention at the expense of all else? Who is suffering because we are so wrapped up? Particularly, when we are dominated by our own personal ‘small machlokes’, we are acting like the baalei machlokes.
*One becomes hateful and full of anger*
This is perhaps the most unfortunate element of machlokes. Friends, partners and ר"ל family members become bitter enemies, sometimes, to the grave. Imagine going through Yom Kippur after Yom Kippur with sworn enemies. Wonderful people become full of anger and even hate. Such horrible, non-Jewish words!
This is surprisingly applicable to our lives. When we hold grudges and let negative feelings towards others simmer inside aren’t we doing the same? We may not be operating at the same degree of antipathy as the baalei machlokes, but the smell is the same.
Let go and make shalom with others. הצדיק רב צבי מאיר teaches that no one means anything today. It is a shevache generation. We all make mistakes. So why hold anything against each other?
Certainly, there is no end to the Divine favor we will incur if we take small but real steps in avoiding inner and outer aspects of machlokes. Maybe then, Moshiach will finally come!
(Please send comments and questions, to [email protected].)
If you would like to receive these Avodah thougths every 2 weeks sign up at
http://rdsvaadim.com/subscribe/
Part 1 claimed that “if we can get rid of the machlokes in us we can start to weaken its terrible power in the world”. I listed five elements found in a full-blown machlokes and tried to apply them to our lives. They were:
· vilifying the other side
· an unwillingness to take steps towards peace
· being very unfriendly to each other
· putting the other side outside your circle
· even when one side was clearly the victim, as time goes on they also wrong the other side
These are external manifestations of a machlokes. What is taking place in the inner world of the parties? If we can correctly identify those things we can, בע"ה, begin to eradicate them in ourselves.
We will speak about four inner world elements:
*Confusion between being l’sheim shamayim and being l’sheim one’s self occurs.*
Everyone knows the vort on מחלוקת לשם שמים סופו להתקיים. When business partners have a fight everyone knows the score. It is about personal rights and personal rights only. In the yeshiva/Chassidic/non-profit machlokot we see, there are personal rights involved but also l’sheim shamayim considerations. Reuven or Shimon honestly thinks he is best for the job and, of course, one truly is. But how can both sides objectively think so? This is where negios come in. This point becomes hazy to (at least) one of the parties.
This goes on in all of us. The פסוק says מי יאמר זכיתי ליבי "who can say ‘I have purified my heart’”. We bring the aforementioned haziness into our own little battles. “It’s not about me, it’s about what’s right!” says the husband to the wife; “It is about you” answers Truth to the husband.
Dealing with negios is a life work. The initial step is gaining piercing clarity about what in us is a nagia and what is l’sheim shamayim. Beyond that is recognizing that we care a lot more about ourselves than we do about Kavod Shamayim. This being the case, it is highly likely that personal considerations are playing a significant role in our actions.
Here’s a test: What moves you more, being slightly insulted or seeing a חילול ה' ? What bothers you more, to lose 20 dollars or to see another Jew sin?
Perhaps realizing that there is nothing wrong with having negios will open the door to self-awareness. The problem is not that we have biases; it is that we don’t identify them. The graver problem is calling them l’sheim shamayim. The gravest problem is going to war for that l’sheim shamayim.
We can offer two simple, practical improvements.
1) Teach yourself to say “I have a negia.” HaRav Wolbe writes in עלי שור that one who looks will see that not only אהבת פרסום pushed him to write. After being accepted as single דיין in a דין תורה between his son and one of his admirers, theמהרי"ל דיסקן refused the job. He explained that “under the influence” even if it says חייבin שולחן ערוך one will read פטור! If great men can admit they have negios, so can we.
2) Teach yourself not to say “I’m l’sheim shamayim”. People utter these words so freely. Saying you are l’shaim shamayim means all you are acting upon is what will best further Kavod Shamayim. Are you really so sure?
*Severe oversimplifications become the norm.*
Normally, we recognize that issues are complex and things aren’t black and white. There are many shades of gray. My mother always said “it takes two to tango”. Applying this to machlokes means one side would recognize some validity in the other side. Instead, each sees itself as the clear victim and the other as the blatant aggressor and subtleties are thrown down the drain.
Every time we oversimplify a complex issue we are guilty of this. Thinking our Yeshiva, organization, or religious group are the “only” ones is the same thing. Open your heart to see the value in other groups. Usually your group has a thing or two to learn from others. Simpler still, when we only see our side in an argument we are doing the same thing as the baalei machlokes.
*One becomes overly focused on the machlokes and ignores other responsibilities.*
The “Machlokes” becomes so important, there is no time, emotional space or even interest in other pursuits. We all suffer from this when we become over involved with our job or hobby. Does this topic really deserve our sole attention at the expense of all else? Who is suffering because we are so wrapped up? Particularly, when we are dominated by our own personal ‘small machlokes’, we are acting like the baalei machlokes.
*One becomes hateful and full of anger*
This is perhaps the most unfortunate element of machlokes. Friends, partners and ר"ל family members become bitter enemies, sometimes, to the grave. Imagine going through Yom Kippur after Yom Kippur with sworn enemies. Wonderful people become full of anger and even hate. Such horrible, non-Jewish words!
This is surprisingly applicable to our lives. When we hold grudges and let negative feelings towards others simmer inside aren’t we doing the same? We may not be operating at the same degree of antipathy as the baalei machlokes, but the smell is the same.
Let go and make shalom with others. הצדיק רב צבי מאיר teaches that no one means anything today. It is a shevache generation. We all make mistakes. So why hold anything against each other?
Certainly, there is no end to the Divine favor we will incur if we take small but real steps in avoiding inner and outer aspects of machlokes. Maybe then, Moshiach will finally come!
(Please send comments and questions, to [email protected].)
If you would like to receive these Avodah thougths every 2 weeks sign up at
http://rdsvaadim.com/subscribe/