The Friendly Grandfather
In “The Grandfather”, we learned about the power of negative thinking and how to fix it. Let us now go forward towards leveraging positive thinking. If the grandfather of action is thought, the grandfather of positive action is positive thought.
Every person has spiritual ambitions and goals. Unfortunately, we often forget to align our thinking behind our goals. A poignant example of this lack of calibration is shown in many bnei aliyah’s attitude towards their ability to reach high-level madreigos. There is an overwhelming sense in the tzeebor that the “real” madreigos are beyond us. As we struggle for a little teekun middos, basic kavana in davening, and focused sidrei leemud the ideas of lishma and Ahavas Hashem seem light years away. Yet we all want to reach these levels and feel a deep lacking as the years pass and we find ourselves no closer to them.
If we “aligned” our thinking, those lofty places would be far more graspable. A central topic in the Tanya is that thinking leads to feeling. The Ramchal[1] also teaches that daily asking oneself thoughtful questions like:
מה הוא ולמה בא לעולם... ומה עשו הראשונים אבות העולם שכך חשק ה' בהם?
is the greatest “medicine” against the yetzer hara and bears tremendous fruit[2]. As opposed to fretting, if we would correctly focus our minds and be patient we could reach heights we once only imagined possible.
So too, anything that we want to feel positive about we should should begin by thinking about that thing in a positive way. For example, your in-laws relay the surprising news that they are moving to your neighborhood! After the initial shock and ruling out the possibility of moving, you realize that they are there to stay. It is time to engender better feelings for them in order to succeed in this new challenge. How do you do that? The place to start is in your thinking. Contemplate their maalos, achievements and all that they have helped you and your spouse over the years. This will certainly bear great results. Might we daresay that you might even become excited at the prospect of seeing them daily?
Truthfully, we should build our feelings about Yiddishkeit in this way i.e. through focused thinking, and not searching for amazing experiences. There is a great danger in wanting the “feel”, exhilaration and excitement of Judaism to rival that of secular pursuits. There is no doubt that the true Tzadikim are more moved by their mitzvos than a football fan is by the Super Bowl. But for a “regular” ben aliyah, the excitement of the Super Bowl is unmatchable. This reality creates disappointment and disenchantment as practitioners “wake up” to the reality that Yiddishkeit doesn’t provide the “fix” they thought it would.
The remedy for this is two-fold. One, we must realize that Yiddishkeit is about truth, dedication and commitment to G-d’s will, not great experiences. Two, as we all do want to experience (and this is also part of Yiddishkeit) we should reach feeling in a healthy way. The healthy way is through thinking. The more we will think the more we will feel. Yom Kippur, for example, feels different to us. This is because we have all thought a great deal about it. Through thinking we have engendered feelings.
Grandfathers should be friendly. Realizing the potential for growth thinking provides will help keep our Grandfathers friendly and move us forward in amazing ways. Nineteen
[1] בדרך עץ חיים
[2] These are just two examples of many.
(Please send comments and questions, to [email protected].)
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In “The Grandfather”, we learned about the power of negative thinking and how to fix it. Let us now go forward towards leveraging positive thinking. If the grandfather of action is thought, the grandfather of positive action is positive thought.
Every person has spiritual ambitions and goals. Unfortunately, we often forget to align our thinking behind our goals. A poignant example of this lack of calibration is shown in many bnei aliyah’s attitude towards their ability to reach high-level madreigos. There is an overwhelming sense in the tzeebor that the “real” madreigos are beyond us. As we struggle for a little teekun middos, basic kavana in davening, and focused sidrei leemud the ideas of lishma and Ahavas Hashem seem light years away. Yet we all want to reach these levels and feel a deep lacking as the years pass and we find ourselves no closer to them.
If we “aligned” our thinking, those lofty places would be far more graspable. A central topic in the Tanya is that thinking leads to feeling. The Ramchal[1] also teaches that daily asking oneself thoughtful questions like:
מה הוא ולמה בא לעולם... ומה עשו הראשונים אבות העולם שכך חשק ה' בהם?
is the greatest “medicine” against the yetzer hara and bears tremendous fruit[2]. As opposed to fretting, if we would correctly focus our minds and be patient we could reach heights we once only imagined possible.
So too, anything that we want to feel positive about we should should begin by thinking about that thing in a positive way. For example, your in-laws relay the surprising news that they are moving to your neighborhood! After the initial shock and ruling out the possibility of moving, you realize that they are there to stay. It is time to engender better feelings for them in order to succeed in this new challenge. How do you do that? The place to start is in your thinking. Contemplate their maalos, achievements and all that they have helped you and your spouse over the years. This will certainly bear great results. Might we daresay that you might even become excited at the prospect of seeing them daily?
Truthfully, we should build our feelings about Yiddishkeit in this way i.e. through focused thinking, and not searching for amazing experiences. There is a great danger in wanting the “feel”, exhilaration and excitement of Judaism to rival that of secular pursuits. There is no doubt that the true Tzadikim are more moved by their mitzvos than a football fan is by the Super Bowl. But for a “regular” ben aliyah, the excitement of the Super Bowl is unmatchable. This reality creates disappointment and disenchantment as practitioners “wake up” to the reality that Yiddishkeit doesn’t provide the “fix” they thought it would.
The remedy for this is two-fold. One, we must realize that Yiddishkeit is about truth, dedication and commitment to G-d’s will, not great experiences. Two, as we all do want to experience (and this is also part of Yiddishkeit) we should reach feeling in a healthy way. The healthy way is through thinking. The more we will think the more we will feel. Yom Kippur, for example, feels different to us. This is because we have all thought a great deal about it. Through thinking we have engendered feelings.
Grandfathers should be friendly. Realizing the potential for growth thinking provides will help keep our Grandfathers friendly and move us forward in amazing ways. Nineteen
[1] בדרך עץ חיים
[2] These are just two examples of many.
(Please send comments and questions, to [email protected].)
If you would like to receive these Avodah thougths every 2 weeks sign up at
http://rdsvaadim.com/subscribe/