The Grandfather
“How in the world did I get into this mess?” one wonders. Sometimes, we find ourselves feeling and speaking about some situation in a surprising way. We are acting incorrectly, but lack understanding about how to escape the negative cycle we find ourselves in. In short, we are off.
A very wise man said “the Grandfather of action is thought”[1].
The root of the unfortunate scenario recounted above is often negative thinking. We think negatively about, for example, our home. We begin by thinking about how old the furniture is, from there we focus on how inefficient the layout and how little light there is. These seemingly harmless thoughts quickly turn into a tornado of negativity (the paint’s peeling, the floor’s stained, the faucet leaks, there isn’t a lot of storage space, it takes special effort to open the windows, the whole place is outdated and even the neighbors are nasty!) We become genuinely upset by our home and begin speaking about how terrible it is. As one spends much time at home, this is already a serious matter. Furthermore, as one’s spouse doesn’t appreciate their better half constantly complaining about the house they built together, it may effortlessly turn into a shalom bayis issue. And it all started from a thought!
More serious is when one fosters negative thinking about their job, children or Judaism.
We pay little attention to our thoughts. We are deeply satisfied if we get our actions and speech “in line”. Our thoughts, however, affect us far more than we realize and we can significantly improve our life if we gain control over them.
Considering the importance of the matter one might think that it would take a herculean effort to improve our thought patterns. It may be far simpler. Let’s start with recurring thoughts. Here is a four part improvement plan.
To many of us, the letters N.C.A.A. are very familiar. Let us manipulate those letters to N.A.A.C. (Notice – Ask – Attack – Change). You will need a few quiet, reflective moments to do this properly.
Notice your recurring thoughts about people, your condition in life, your job etc.
Ask – Do these thoughts help you or impair you. Do they empower you or limit you?
Attack the negative thinking pattern. It is easier than you think. The difficulty is we like being negative. It is comfortable and familiar. But as the great Rav Noach Weinberg taught, one has to choose between comfort and pleasure. It is comfortable to think negatively, but it is pleasurable to think positively.
If your thoughts are limiting or impairing you, you should choose not to have them. Kill the grandfather of negativity. It is centrally important to remember that this is what bechira, the foundation of Kol HaTorah, is all about. Also, ask yourself if you ready to let go of negative thinking and if not, why?
Let us work with the example above. Attack your negative thoughts about your home. Is it really so bad? What is nice about your home? What would it take for you to improve it and do you have the resources to make those changes? What are you gaining by focusing negatively? Where could you better use your mental energy? What does being so negative say about your level of Bitachon?
Change your thinking. Let go and start thinking positively. You can look at your home positively.
Once you are successful, bask in that success. Notice how you look at something differently and, lo and behold, it is different. In a short time you love your home again! You now notice all the nice things about it and choose not to think about the negative
After experiencing success, you know that you can be the master of your thoughts. With that knowledge there is tremendous room for growth.
We are now ready to deal with non – recurring thoughts. Be on the lookout for negative ideas that creep into your thinking and nip them in the bud.
Of course, one has to be reasonable. It is way past us to never have negative thoughts and there may be some positivity in our negativity![2] What we have to be careful about is grandfatherly thoughts. Those we sense will eventually affect us.
We have focused on undoing our negative thoughts as a type of damage control. A wonderful side benefit of this process is increased general self-knowledge. Our thoughts are very much a part of us, albeit one we rarely are aware of.
[1] See R. Isaac Sher’s introduction to the Sefer Cheshbon Nefesh.
[2] For example, the Chafetz Chaim said the passuk says be tamim with Hashem, but with people we should be on guard [I don’t remember the exact quote]. Sometimes our negative thoughts about someone are a warning sign to us that we are dealing with an unsavory individual.
(Please send comments and questions, to [email protected].)
If you would like to receive these Avodah thougths every 2 weeks sign up at
http://rdsvaadim.com/subscribe/
“How in the world did I get into this mess?” one wonders. Sometimes, we find ourselves feeling and speaking about some situation in a surprising way. We are acting incorrectly, but lack understanding about how to escape the negative cycle we find ourselves in. In short, we are off.
A very wise man said “the Grandfather of action is thought”[1].
The root of the unfortunate scenario recounted above is often negative thinking. We think negatively about, for example, our home. We begin by thinking about how old the furniture is, from there we focus on how inefficient the layout and how little light there is. These seemingly harmless thoughts quickly turn into a tornado of negativity (the paint’s peeling, the floor’s stained, the faucet leaks, there isn’t a lot of storage space, it takes special effort to open the windows, the whole place is outdated and even the neighbors are nasty!) We become genuinely upset by our home and begin speaking about how terrible it is. As one spends much time at home, this is already a serious matter. Furthermore, as one’s spouse doesn’t appreciate their better half constantly complaining about the house they built together, it may effortlessly turn into a shalom bayis issue. And it all started from a thought!
More serious is when one fosters negative thinking about their job, children or Judaism.
We pay little attention to our thoughts. We are deeply satisfied if we get our actions and speech “in line”. Our thoughts, however, affect us far more than we realize and we can significantly improve our life if we gain control over them.
Considering the importance of the matter one might think that it would take a herculean effort to improve our thought patterns. It may be far simpler. Let’s start with recurring thoughts. Here is a four part improvement plan.
To many of us, the letters N.C.A.A. are very familiar. Let us manipulate those letters to N.A.A.C. (Notice – Ask – Attack – Change). You will need a few quiet, reflective moments to do this properly.
Notice your recurring thoughts about people, your condition in life, your job etc.
Ask – Do these thoughts help you or impair you. Do they empower you or limit you?
Attack the negative thinking pattern. It is easier than you think. The difficulty is we like being negative. It is comfortable and familiar. But as the great Rav Noach Weinberg taught, one has to choose between comfort and pleasure. It is comfortable to think negatively, but it is pleasurable to think positively.
If your thoughts are limiting or impairing you, you should choose not to have them. Kill the grandfather of negativity. It is centrally important to remember that this is what bechira, the foundation of Kol HaTorah, is all about. Also, ask yourself if you ready to let go of negative thinking and if not, why?
Let us work with the example above. Attack your negative thoughts about your home. Is it really so bad? What is nice about your home? What would it take for you to improve it and do you have the resources to make those changes? What are you gaining by focusing negatively? Where could you better use your mental energy? What does being so negative say about your level of Bitachon?
Change your thinking. Let go and start thinking positively. You can look at your home positively.
Once you are successful, bask in that success. Notice how you look at something differently and, lo and behold, it is different. In a short time you love your home again! You now notice all the nice things about it and choose not to think about the negative
After experiencing success, you know that you can be the master of your thoughts. With that knowledge there is tremendous room for growth.
We are now ready to deal with non – recurring thoughts. Be on the lookout for negative ideas that creep into your thinking and nip them in the bud.
Of course, one has to be reasonable. It is way past us to never have negative thoughts and there may be some positivity in our negativity![2] What we have to be careful about is grandfatherly thoughts. Those we sense will eventually affect us.
We have focused on undoing our negative thoughts as a type of damage control. A wonderful side benefit of this process is increased general self-knowledge. Our thoughts are very much a part of us, albeit one we rarely are aware of.
[1] See R. Isaac Sher’s introduction to the Sefer Cheshbon Nefesh.
[2] For example, the Chafetz Chaim said the passuk says be tamim with Hashem, but with people we should be on guard [I don’t remember the exact quote]. Sometimes our negative thoughts about someone are a warning sign to us that we are dealing with an unsavory individual.
(Please send comments and questions, to [email protected].)
If you would like to receive these Avodah thougths every 2 weeks sign up at
http://rdsvaadim.com/subscribe/